Just Not Diana

Princess Anee's daughter, Zara Phillips. was married yesterday. Prince Charles and his missus, Camilla Parker Bowles, attended. All these years later, every time I see CPB, I still think, "Well, she's just not Diana."

Mariha Smith

"Answer me, O Lord, out of the goodness of your love; in your great mercy turn to me. Do not hide your face from your servant; answer me quickly, for I am in trouble."
- Psalm 69:16-17

Please answer me, God. WHY???

If Casey Kept A Journal - Part 3

WHERE IS MY MONEY??? Jose said I was a hot commo...comma...camadatee...no, I didn't spell that right. Anyway, he said I was hot and he promised me we'd be rich by the end of the month. Hello??? Have I seen a check yet?

God, I'm bored. How many beers are left? Geez, less then a six-pack. Okay, Mason's going to the liquor store later today, so he'll just have to get me some more. I just hope he doesn't start whining again about how much everything costs.

I don't know why Jose won't talk to that guy Larry Flynt. I don't have a problem taking my clothes off for anyone. And this time I'll get paid for it! They just can't shoot my back...the acne's not gone yet. My tattoo still looks great, though. But Larry only offered $500,000, and I'm worth a lot more then that. Jose wishes Playboy had made me an offer, but they didn't. Well, that Hefner guy is old anyway, and he was more worried about getting dumped by his girlfriend, or something. His loss.

When Jose comes back from New York we are going to have a talk. I am so sick of him flying back and forth, and then he never comes home with a check. He always says he's "in discussions" with the TV stations. All he's doing is stuffing his face at restaurants, or yapping on TV to that loud guy with the big mustash (have to look up how to spell that word), Geraldo. Jose says he's talking to Geraldo for free, because it's good publicity for us. Okay, but, the guy has a boat, and he hasn't even invited me on it yet. I need to work on my tan, too.

Jose is now trying to say that maybe we can't make a lot of money right away. What the hell is he talking about? I mean, I'm on TV every day. Someone's always talking about me. I love how they say I'm going to make money whether people hate me or not. Everyone wants me, except for that old bag Nancy Grace. She keeps calling me "tot mom" and a killer. Hasn't someone else's kid diappeared yet? God, lady, move ON.

Am definiely not going to talk to that Al Taylor guy anymore. He didn't bring me a check when he came to visit. Asshole - he said I'd get a million dollars. Then he said he'd only pay $50,000 right away, and the rest after the interview. He was trying to tell me how the interview would have to go to make the deal. No one tells me what to do.

Now Jose says we have to come up with a new business plan for marketing me. He says ABC is pretending they're not interested in me anymore, and that if they ever did interview me, that they wouldn't pay me, so they're out. Jose says CBS doesn't have enough money, but that NBC is still looking good for us, but that they're telling everyone they won't pay me. Jose says they will, they just have to do it in a way that no one finds out. 

He tried to sell the video of me on the plane the night I got out, but he said no one wanted it. He said people got turned off that I was drinking a beer and it seemed like I was celebrating. Well, duh, of course I was celebrating. I kept telling Jose I'd get out if I never talked, and it worked. But he says I didn't act like I was sad or sorry about Caylee dying. Why would I be sad? Besides, no one is interested in Caylee anymore.

Oh, that reminds me, now I'm supposed to be learning to greeve (don't think that's the right spelling) about Caylee dying. He says I don't ever have to say how Caylee died, I just have to act sad about it. And I'm supposed to act like I have mental problems, so people will start to feel sorry for me. Then he'll tell the media I'm better, and they'll really want to talk to me. He says that until I go on TV, he's going to try to get a job somewhere as a legal expert. I made him famous! But he hasn't told me yet how much money he'll pay me for that. He's not going to get away with just buying me beer and promising me a stylist. Does he think I'm stupid? I want cash!

Plus, Jose says when I go out I'll probably always need a bodyguard. He and Mason are worried about my safety. They think people are so mad at me that they might want to hurt me. Get over it, people. I'm free! Oh, that reminds me, I still have to write a thank you note to the jurors. I don't see why I have to, but Jose says I do. I hope I don't have to write 12 notes. No, I'll just write one, that's easier. A lot of people call them the Pinellas Pinheads, but I think I'll just say, "Hello, Everyone," or something friendly like that.

Hey, having a bodyguard is kinda cool. But we're going to lose the old fart that's guarding me now. Once I start doing interviews, I'll be able to go to clubs again. I can't wait! I'm going to make Jose hire some younger guy who's hot to protect me. An old guy isn't good for my image.

Well, Jose's due back in a couple of hours. He told me if I got bored while he was gone, then I should work on my book. I've tried, but it's hard. I can't write about what happened to Caylee or my family, or my time in jail, or anything like that. Jose says people already think I'm a liar, and that if I write about that stuff then they won't buy my book. He says I should try to write about all I've learned from everything that's happened. I'll talk to him about that some more when he gets home. What the hell does he mean? What was I supposed to learn? Time for another beer.

Channelling Scarlett O'Hara

As God is my witness, as God is my witness, I am getting my daughter OUT of the Duval County public school system and into a private school before she enters 9th grade. We're going to get through this, and when it's over we'll never have to worry about budget cuts, or a lack of transportation to her magnet school, or the possibility of  her being forced into a neighborhood school to accept a lesser education. As God is my witness, it will never happen again.

Remembering Major Sullivan Ballou

Historian Robin Young is the author of the book "For Love and Liberty: The Untold Civil War Story of Major Sullivan Ballou and His Famous Love Letter."

150 Years ago today, Sullivan Ballou, a major in the Union Army, died in the First Battle of Bull Run. He had volunteered to fight, because of his love for his country.

Two weeks before his death, as he awaited his next orders, Sullivan penned a letter to his wife, Sarah (Ballou, an attorney, was also the father of two sons, Edgar and Willie). The letter, eloquent and poignant, was found in Sullivan's trunk after his death. In it, he expresseds his love for his wife and country. It appears below in its entirety:

July the 14th, 1861

Washington, D.C.

My very dear Sarah:

The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days -- perhaps tomorrow. Lest I should not be able to write you again, I feel impelled to write lines that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more.

Our movement may be one of a few days duration and full of pleasure -- and it may be one of severe conflict and death to me. Not my will, but thine O God, be done.

If it is necessary that I should fall on the battlefield for my country, I am ready. I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in, the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter.

I know how strongly American Civilization now leans upon the triumph of the Government, and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and suffering of the Revolution. And I am willing -- perfectly willing -- to lay down all my joys in this life, to help maintain this Government, and to pay that debt.

But, my dear wife, when I know that with my own joys I lay down nearly all of yours, and replace them in this life with cares and sorrows -- when, after having eaten for long years the bitter fruit of orphanage myself, I must offer it as their only sustenance to my dear little children -- is it weak or dishonorable, while the banner of my purpose floats calmly and proudly in the breeze, that my unbounded love for you, my darling wife and children, should struggle in fierce, though useless, contest with my love of country?

I cannot describe to you my feelings on this calm summer night, when two thousand men are sleeping around me, many of them enjoying the last, perhaps, before that of death -- and I, suspicious that Death is creeping behind me with his fatal dart, am communing with God, my country, and thee.

I have sought most closely and diligently, and often in my breast, for a wrong motive in thus hazarding the happiness of those I loved and I could not find one. A pure love of my country and of the principles I have often advocated before the people and "the name of honor that I love more than I fear death" have called upon me, and I have obeyed.

Sarah, my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me to you with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me irresistibly on with all these chains to the battlefield.

The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I have enjoyed them so long. And hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when God willing, we might still have lived and loved together, and seen our sons grow up to honorable manhood around us.

I have, I know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me -- perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar -- that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battlefield, it will whisper your name.

Forgive my many faults, and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have oftentimes been!

How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your happiness, and struggle with all the misfortune of this world, to shield you and my children from harm. But I cannot. I must watch you from the spirit land and hover near you, while you buffet the storms with your precious little freight, and wait with sad patience till we meet to part no more.

But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the garish day and in the darkest night -- amidst your happiest scenes and gloomiest hours -- always, always; and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath; or the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by.

Sarah, do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again.

As for my little boys, they will grow as I have done, and never know a father's love and care. Little Willie is too young to remember me long, and my blue-eyed Edgar will keep my frolics with him among the dimmest memories of his childhood.

Sarah, I have unlimited confidence in your maternal care and your development of their characters.

Tell my two mothers his and hers I call God's blessing upon them.

O Sarah, I wait for you there! Come to me, and lead thither my children.

Sullivan

His wife, Sarah, never remarried. She eventually moved to New Jersey, living the rest of her life with her son, Willie. She died in 1917, and is buried next to Sullivan.

Casey Anthony Mask Sells on eBay for $999,900?

The final bid on the Casey Anthony mask that was up for auction on eBay this week (see previous post, below, for picture of mask) was $999,900.  It remains to be seen if the buyer of the mask just had to have it, or if he/she was punking the seller.

The mask was one of nine created for a parady video by an artist named Torro. According to the Los Angeles Times, independent sources are now claiming the seller of the mask, who managed to snag two of the nine created, took the mask "illegally."

If the winner was, indeed, legitimate, he/she will at least get free shipping for the purchase, and the seller, barring any complications, has become an instant near-millionaire.

Somewhere, Casey is probably furiously stomping her murderous feet. Bozo Baez is more then likely hastily preparing a lawsuit against the seller, demanding a cut of the profits from the sale, and urging Casey to quaff another Corona to cool her rage.

Why Corona? According to TMZ, they are reporting to have viewed a video of Casey, shot shortly after her release on July 17. In the video, Anthony is holding a bottle of Corona, exiting the private plane with former attorney Todd Macaluso. TMZ claims that the video is being shopped for sale by Anthony's representatives.

Casey Anthony Mask Up For Grabs on eBay

12:15pm UPDATE - Someone must have retracted their bids, lol. Auction now showing 84 bids and $24,200 for the mask!

11:00am UPDATE - 111 bids, $25,100!!!

Best potential Halloween mask ever created. Certainly scarier then anything that will be found at a costume shop. Casey Anthony's blank eyes and perpetual courtroom pout have been preserved for posterity in this latex mask, currently up for grabs on eBay.

Created for a parody video, this mask is one of nine that were crafted for the video shoot. The numbered mask was listed with an opening bid of $25.00. As of this moment, 108 bids have been placed, with the highest bidder willing to fork over $24,300 to acquire the mask.

If you have a spare $25,000-plus floating about in your bank account, then this mask could still be yours, as the auction ends this evening.

Should the mask prove a too-eccentric acquisition, and you're still inclined to spend that $25,000-plus on something, I will happily provide my email address. Like the seller of the mask, I accept PayPal, as well.

Jesse James, Kat Von D Split

Serial cheater Jesse James and Elvira-clone honey, Kat Von D, are history. The couple, who began dating last summer, have ended their engagement and have broken up.

Rather then mourn the demise of their relationship privately, the couple overcame their grief long enough to issue respective statements. 

"I'm so sad because I really love her. The distance between us was just too much." James informed People magazine, referencing the couple's inability to make their long-distance relationship work. 

Ms. Von D opted for theraputic relief by taking to Twitter with her announcement. "I am no longer w Jesse and out of respect for him, his family, and myself, that's all the info I'd like to share. Thanks for respecting that."

The couple began dating last summer, shortly after James was divorced from actress Sandra Bullock. Throughout their brief course of true love, James and Von D gooily trumpeted their affection for each other to the media. James professed to have finally found his soulmate and the love of his life. Von D, to her (slight) credit, was a tad more circumspect in her comments to the press and her tweets to her followers.

James will no doubt surface shortly with some harlot, give yet another "exclusive" statement to the press, and again profess that he's found the perfect woman. Perhaps Kat Von D will return to Nikki Sixx - they were together approximately two years prior to their split.

Kat's show, LA Ink, returns for another season in two days. Those mourning the demise of the tacky, oops, tattooed pair's love will be able to catch a glimpse the magic they once shared in several episodes of the new season.

James and Von D had planned to wed this summer.

So, This Guy Walks Into Antiques Roadshow...

...with a collection of five Chinese cups. He told Asian arts expert Lark Mason that he's been collecting since the 1970s, picking up a cup here and there, inexpensively, and that he has no idea what the cups are worth.

Hopefully, the gentleman was seated when Mason delivered his assessment. Mason informed the collector, who wishes to remain anonymous at this time, that his five cups are valued at $1-$1.5 MILLION dollars.

The cups, which date back to the late 17th or early 18th century, are carved from rhinoceros horns, and have become the priciest find in the 16-year history of  the US version of Antiques Roadshow.

Chinese antiques have commanded strong prices recently, which accounts for the high value of the five cups. The second highest appraisal recorded on Antiques Roadshow was in Raleigh, NC in 2009, when a collection of Chinese carved jade bowls were estimated to be worth $1.07 million.

"As we continue our 16th season production show here in Tulsa, we couldn't be more excited about such an extraordinary, rare treasure, and we look forward to sharing it with the nation," executive producer Marsha Remko said in a statement on Monday.

The three Antiques Roadshow episodes, filmed in Tulsa, Oklahoma, will air on PBS in 2012.

Countdown To Lockdown - 29 Days

The bright summer days are slowly shrinking. Now it's fully dark just before 9pm, and daylight creeps in just after 6am. This morning, for the first time this summer, I tallied the remaining days of freedom. Countdown to Lockdown - the first day of school - has begun.

Keeping Up With The Klowns - Cheney Mason and Jose Baez

Jose Baez is wasting his time jetting back and forth to New York. Cheney Mason, likewise, needs to put down his loaded gun and his middle finger. C'mon, guys, time to do a reality show! Why should those pretty, but dim, Kardashian girls have all the fun?

Let's be practical - Casey Anthony isn't panning out to be the immediate cash cow you'd hoped. Yes, yes, Jose is hoping that the public has a short memory and that in six to nine months he can slide her into an interviewer's chair.  But it's a gamble throwing all your rotten eggs into that basket. People just don't like a sociopathic child killer.

There should be a time slot available for you very soon. Snooki's should be headed to rehab or jail shortly. If you've seen one botoxed screaming housewife, you've seen them all. Kris Jenner's facelift for Kim's wedding is old news.

We're not talking quality here, just cold hard cash. Working title - Keeping Up With The Klowns. Yes, yes, both of you would like to be portrayed as serious lawyers interested in truth and justice.  But that's not going to bring in the ratings. The network has ordered six test episodes. Here's a sneak peek -

Episode One - Cheney picks Jose up at the airport. Jose emerges from the plane, wiping remnants of a snack from his mouth. Cheney puts his gun in the glove compartment. They shake hands, get in the car, and drive to a restaurant. Conflict emerges when Jose wants to eat again and Cheney wants another bourbon. They agree that Jose will start his diet tomorrow and Cheney will will only have one drink. They bemoan the backlash that has accompanied Casey's acquittal.

Episode Two - Mrs. Mason enters the picture for the first time. She's crying over the threats the family is still receiving. Cheney reloads his gun, throwing an empty bourbon bottle against the wall in frustration at the missus crying. He's packing heat; he'll protect her. He sends her out to the liquor store for another bottle. Cheney then calls Jose, only to find out Jose is at a restaurant with a TV executive. Cheney worries that Jose is trying to cut him out of a business deal. Jose promise to leave the restaurant, as soon as he's finished eating. Cheney kicks his dog in frustration.

Episode Three - This episode has a lighthearted boys-will-be-boys feel. Dorothy Clay Sims makes her first appearance. The three are shown at a restaurant. Jose's tucking into a huge steak, and Cheney's on his second bourbon. After a bit of good-natured ribbing with each other, the boys devote the rest of the episode to twitting Dorothy about her newly-straightened hair, which she debuted on the Joy Behar show. Cheney flips off the staff at the restaurant, and the three walk out the door, laughing.

Episode Four - Jose's wife is finally introduced to viewers. She confronts Jose about his feelings for Casey, and the time he spends jetting about the country. Jose confesses that he is, indeed, as facile a liar as Casey, but that there is nothing going on between them. Wifey says that she feels she can't trust him, and Jose leaves the table in disgust because his meal has gotten cold. He calls Cheney, who is in the midst of his own marital woes. He's angry that his wife got the wrong bourbon at the liquor store. His wife is still angry that he kicked the family dog. They agree to meet at a restaurant where they can eat and drink together in peace.

Episode Five - Jose and Cheney get a call from Casey! The boys attempt to placate their meal ticket, but Casey is having none of it. Though never shown on camera, Casey is heard shrieking. She's had just about enough of staying in hiding. She tells Jose that he's getting fat and Cheney that he's a lush. She reminds the hapless duo that they are only famous because of her. The boys "surprise" Casey with the news that she will be able to appear in the next episode, in time for the November sweeps. Jose agrees to get a stylist for Casey, and to divorce his wife to be with her. Cheney bemoans his loss of youth, telling Casey he'd "tap that" if he wasn't so old. Casey giggles, the boys smile.

Episode Six - Cheney is angry that Jose has tipped off the media that Casey may surface soon and that Mrs. Mason has hidden his gun. Jose is angry that he can't button his sport coat and that Mrs. Baez was upset when he served her with divorce papers. The boys hop into a limo and head to the airport. A last-minute tense moment ensues when Mason thinks Jose has forgotten to purchase roses for Casey. Jose reminds Mason that the network is at the airport with the flowers and a check for her. Mason reminds Jose that Casey's daughter's name is Caylee, and to act like he's sorry that Caylee is dead when they speak to the media. The camera cuts to a private plane sitting on an airstrip. The boys exit the limo, and walk nervously toward the plane. The media surges about them. The plane door opens...

Keeping Up With The Klowns. Hopefully, never coming to a network near you.

Amy Winehouse

Ah, Amy, wish you could have shaken off the drugs and the demons to sing again.

The Curse of the Glass Front Door

The first, now-dreaded. knock came two weeks after we'd moved in. Through the leaded glass of the front door, I could see it was a neighbor across the street. As I swung the door open, a coffee cup was thrust under my nose. "I need a cup of sugar. Bobby needs sweetening for his coffee."

"I don't have any, " I blurted out - yes, somewhat taken aback. Silly me - I was expecting perhaps a greeting as a preface to her request.

"What?", exclaimed she. ""You don't mean to tell me you don't use sugar in your coffee?"

"No," I irritably answered. "I don't keep sugar in the house. I only use it around the holidays, when I do a lot of baking. Sorry. I have to get back to work." As she departed, I half-jokingly said to my daughter, "I'm not so sure I like having a glass front door."

The door is beautiful. The wood frame houses a leaded-glass panel. The sun, glinting on the glass, creates a gorgeous pattern on the hardwood floor. But this thing of beauty is no joy forever. When I buy this house, I am immediately purchasing a steel door. With a peephole. And adding a glass storm door.

Over the last year, Sugar Lady and her family of ne'er do wells have damn near driven me to distraction. Because I work from home, I am always the first stop as they take to the street for their daily "borrowing".

The family consists of four able-bodied adults and two children. Only one of the adults works. Their son and daughter-in-law spend their days lounging in front of the house, smoking cigarettes, chatting on their cell phones, and perfuming the air with F-bombs as they fight with each other. The son is currently on probation, therefore no longer able to supplement the family income as he used to - by breaking into houses in the neighborhood, then selling the stolen goodies for quick cash. He has a vigilant parole officer. Hence, the incessant borrowing.

The adults in the household, continually denied as they trolled the neighborhood, recently devised a new business plan. Who can resist the upturned face of a small child? Why not send the kiddies out begging, thus freeing up valuable smoking and fighting time for themselves?

As it's summer, the kids hit the streets anywhere from 7am to 10pm. Where the adults were rebuffed, many neighbors have caved in. The children usually return with their small, fat arms laden with goodies.

Mean single-mother-on-a-tight-budget that I am, I have hung a curtain over the cursed glass door, and no longer respond to the sound of the doorbell. Ever. Hopefully Publisher's Clearinghouse is not attempting to pay me a visit.

Yet the lawn still has to be mowed and the grocery shopping done. I am fairly safe while mowing the lawn, as I am protected by the roar of the mower, and a guaranteed fearful sight to small children as I sweat profusely in the heat.

But returning from the grocery store is when my daughter and I are most vulnerable to attack. We are usually able to sprint into the house with a few bags without incident. We congratulate ourselves if we manage to get a second trip to the car unaccosted. It's when we make the last trip to the car, to cart in the large bags of dog and cat food, where our luck tends to run out.

The children will stand by the open car door. They're little - about six and eight years old. The boy, the oldest, looks a bit embarressed. The little girl is more persistent. The requests will begin.

No, I will patiently say, I have no eggs/milk/butter/rice/sugar/coffee/bread/soda to give them. Undeterred, they will then ask for money, usually five dollars - no doubt, the parents are out of cigarettes. I will deny that request as well. They will march stoically down the driveway and head to the house next door.

Hoisting the pet food, my daughter and I will head into the house. I'll shut the glass door behind us. Both of us will feel badly, as we put the groceries away. I will tell my daughter, again, that I am going to replace the front door. We will both know that the lovely glass door, of course, is not really the problem.

There will still be a doorbell. And it will ring again tomorrow.

Taking Flight

It's Wednesday evening.

"I've left you the lists and the coupons," she says to me, "That way, you'll know what to get at the store when I'm gone. And leave all the coupons from the Sunday paper for me till I'm home. Just use the ones in the envelopes." She's gotten hooked on "Extreme Couponing" on TLC.

Her suitcase is open on the bed. She has carefully chosen and accessorized each outfit. I've convinced her that packing five pairs of shoes wasn't necessary for her trip.

"And don't forget to give Lucy two dog treats every day." I assure her I won't forget.

Her favorite cat, Kahoku, senses something different in the usually languid evening. He is pacing the top of the coffee table, butting his head against her feet to get her attention. The other cats are pacing, too, but they are only waiting for their dinner. It will take them a day or so to realize she's gone.

Her flight leaves for Baltimore at 1:00pm. I am in the office, writing this as she flits about the house. She's happy, as she should be.

She calls from the living room, "You'll be okay, won't you?"

"Of course," I fib. "You're going to have a wonderful time." And she will.

I mentally promise myself that I will tackle my to-do list in her absence. And I will. But I will miss her every minute of every day while she's gone.

Just before bed, she jokes that she will call and check up on me - to make sure I did the shopping correctly at the store (the coupons!).

In the morning, I will get up, make coffee, publish this article, and dive into the day as the sun rises. She can be grumpy in the morning, but on this special day, she'll awaken with a smile.

We'll get in the car for the long ride to the airport. My mother will be waiting for us - she's flown down to get her. I will hug my beloved daughter very tightly, kiss her too many times for her liking, and watch her walk away.

It will be a long 2 1/2 weeks.

I love you, Jennifer.

Life Without Janet

Janet died in April of 2010. She lived long enough to see her daughter give birth to her first grandchild, her son marry, and her 57th birthday.  She lived 2 1/2 years past the initial prognosis given by her doctors when the brain tumor was discovered. She used to say she was my "longest" friend.

I was six and she was eight when we met. Her brother and I were bickering over whose bike had the right to the sidewalk, when she bounced up the street, her long braids swinging down her back. Taking Billy's bike in one hand, she pulled him aside, introduced herself, the sidewalk war was averted, and our friendship forged.

We were polar opposites - she was calm and somewhat introverted, I was (and am), ruthlessly outspoken. Our friendship survived the very different paths our lives took.

Janet was a lyrical writer, much as Anne Morrow Lindbergh, her journals and notes poetic. She had three children's books published through her church - sweet stories of the simple pleasures of attending Sunday Service and baptism. After the tumor was discovered, she wrote short stories for her new granddaughter. She had ideas for several books she hoped to write after her youngest son graduated.

We had planned to go to Hong Kong when my daughter turned 15. Janet always said I made her fall in love with Hong Kong because of the letters I wrote to her while I was waiting to travel to Nanchang to adopt my daughter. Janet was the first person I called after I finally held my longed-for child in my arms.

My daughter has the perfect mix of Janet's pragmatism and grace, with a spark of my take-no-prisoners humor. I often tell my daughter, an old soul, that she reminds me of her "Aunt" Janet.

Janet and I had long, gut-wrenching conversations about life, love, and death. And still, there were many moments of laughter. She wished for her hair to grow back, and mourned the fact she could no longer play the piano. I wished for time, all the while knowing that was a wish that wasn't to be granted.

Always, when the fear of dying got the better of her, she would call and beg me to promise I would always be there for her. Though we knew we weren't going to see each other again, we talked every day, sometimes two or three times a day. I knew what she was asking. And I told her I would never leave her - we were on this journey together.

As the tumor crowded her brain, she lost the ability to walk, and her vision was fading. Her husband, a remarkable man (his strength and care of Janet cannot be overstated), would hold the phone to Janet's ear. I could do nothing, except tell her I loved her.

I remember our last conversation. Her speech was failing, and I knew that I would never hear her voice again. That day, her husband didn't hold the phone to Janet's ear. Her daughter, a nurse, told me her mother probably only had a few days left to live.

Shortly before she slipped into unconciousness, Janet chose a picture she had stitched, and dictated a small note to her daughter. She wanted me to have the picture and her final words to me. She died, without pain, two days later.

The week after Janet's death, her husband sent me the picture and Janet's note. The picture hangs just inside the front door, for all to see.

It's in the early morning that I think of Janet. The house is quiet, my daughter is sleeping, the sun is just about to come up. The first cup of coffee is gratefully sipped and enjoyed.

There is, and always will be, a hole in my life and heart, since Janet has died. Despite her death, the blessing of having such a friend fills me. Though I didn't like the way the journey ended, I am thankful, daily, for the 48 years that Janet was in my life.

"I won't be here," Janet once said, "But you have a lot of living left to do. You're going to go on, and raise your little girl. You'll have a wonderful life. Promise me you'll keep writing."

So I write, on this beautiful summer morning, of Janet.

Juror 3 - Jennifer Ford - Another Day, Another Interview

"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt." - Abraham Lincoln

Thirteen days after the not guilty verdict was delivered in the Casey Anthony trial by the 12 fools from Pinellas County, Juror 3, Jennifer Ford, still won't shut up. Jenny's "Pity Me" interview, which marks the THIRD time she's babbled to a media outlet,  was published yesterday.

Oh, woe is Jenny. Life has just been so darn hard since the Turbo Verdict. Her boyfriend kicked her out the day after the verdict. She's lost 10 pounds from all the "stress" she's experienced. She wouldn't keep talking to the media - she doesn't like it, you understand - it's just they keep pressuring her, so she feels like she has to.

That ABC interview she gave? "I was pretty much forced to talk," Jenny bleats, urging us to feel her pain. "They wouldn't go away."

Conveniently forgetting about that free trip to Disney that ABC provided for Jen-Jen and four others, the Current Queen of Cluelessness continues, "I don't think you should have to talk about it. It wasn't my idea. It certainly wasn't what I wanted. I just wanted my freedom. If this is what I had to do, so be it."

And the big, bad media is responsible for SO much more. All the anger from the public over the verdict? Why, that has nothing to do with Jenny and her fellow jurors. No, according to Jenny, the anger exists because, "I think the media helped them to determine what their thoughts are. I think the media helped to determine the case before the jury saw it."

Jenny has trouble with logic, reasoning, and accountability. She's to be pitied for her lack of mental prowess, not mocked. It's extremely important to have an accurate understanding of what she's trying to say:

On initially being picked to serve on the jury, "Hey, this is the Casey Anthony trial. It's going to be important. I'm going to do a good job."

When Linda Drane Burdick gave her opening statement, "Gosh, I didn't think this was going to be so boring. Hope we're not here too long."

Hearing Jose Baez's opening statement, "Wow, he's dreamy! Omigosh, listen to all those awful things that happened to that poor girl sitting at the table there. I'm going to listen to everything he's got to say. A dead child? How is that important here?"

As the trial continues, "Will that tall guy ever shut up? I like Jose better. There's lots of people here from the press. Wonder if they would actually pay me for an interview when all this is over? Hope I can stay awake this afternoon."

Closing arguments, "Thank God this is almost over. What did that woman just say? Never mind, Jose's coming back to talk now. At least he shows charts, not those gross pictures."

In the deliberation room, "Okay, remember the plan. No talking to the press afterwards. We'll get paid more if we wait. Did you ever think we'd get out of there? I've never been so bored. Oh, that's right - the verdict. No, I don't want to have to look at any more pictures. Not guilty works for me. You, too? Oh, and you? Wow, we'll be out of here in no time. Great!"

Arriving back in Pinellas County, "Why are people angry? Who should I talk to first? How much will they pay me? Oooh, ABC, a lot people will see me then. Wow, tickets - I'm going to Disney!!!"

On public backlash to the verdict, "I'm so mad at these people. They think I didn't do my job. Why are they still so angry? How come I took those stupid tickets to Disney? I should've held out for cash. I'll give another interview."

When Casey Anthony was released, "I'm so upset that girl got out of jail today. She's going to make so much money. I really thought I'd make more money, but people are still mad. 'Caylee's Law'? Who's Caylee? I'll give another interview."

Stay tuned...

Follow Hoku Casa On Twitter

Finally on Twitter - @hokucasa - still figuring it out!

A Fine Whine

Florida. Sun. Heat. Lots of heat. Mowing the lawn. Wiped out.

Note to self: Corral next door neighbor when he comes home exhausted from work to request he remove shedded snakeskin found alarmingly close to front door. Try not to shriek while discussing said snakeskin. Do not engage in unseemly hopping about on sidewalk while neighbor removes snakeskin (embarresses daughter). Hope neighbor does not use descriptive terms such as "poisonous" or "cottonmouth" when discussing snakeskin. Mow spot of grass where snakeskin found.

To do: Purchase lottery ticket. Win lottery. Hire lawn service.

Casey Anthony Released From Jail

"There is no den in the wide world to hide a rogue. Commit a crime, and the earth is made of glass. Commit a crime, and it seems as if a coat of snow fell on the ground, such as reveals in the woods the track of every partridge and fox and squirrel and mole." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Jose Baez, NBC Discussed Casey Anthony Interview

The NY Post has reported that Jose Baez spent several days this week meeting with NBC network execs, discussing Casey Anthony's first TV interview.

There is no word as to whether or not Anthony will be paid for the interview.

Sources say Baez informed the execs that the interview would be six to nine months away. It has also been reported that NBC picked up the tab for Bozo's trip. It is not known if NBC and Baez have sealed the deal.

If Casey Kept A Journal - Part 2

Whee! Tomorrow's the big day and I'm outta here! Oops - Where is that damn guard? Am trying to write things down for my book, but my other attorney, what's his name? Oh yeah, Greene. He says I have to look like I'm tired, or nuts, or something. Those Morgan and Morgan assholes want to ask me some questions about some lawsuit against me. Like I'd talk without getting paid. Damn, I just dropped nacho dip on the paper - no, it's okay, I just licked it off.

Wow, there really IS someone named Zenaida Fernandez Gonzales. She's actually trying to say I ruined her life because I made up that whole Zanny the Nanny thing when people were looking for the kid. I don't know why she didn't just try to make some money off a TV interview, or something. She should be happy I gave her the chance to be a little bit famous, or something. I mean, Jose would've made sure we got a cut , for sure, but still. Instead they think they think they're gonna get money from me. Have fun waiting till October - sucks to be her!  That dip was good.

I'm eating lots of food now. All these men have been sending me money and I didn't even have to sleep with them to get it. They write the funniest letters, some of them. Like, they say they want to marry me and that'll never happen. It's not like they sent me that much money to get me to pay attention to any of them. Men are stupid.

Did I sleep with that guy in South Carolina? That dumb jailbird - he's saying he's Caylee's father and wants a DNA test. Like I'm gonna remember all the guys I've slept with! And that nutcase up north...now she's trying to say her son was Caylee's father. They all just want attention. Who are these losers? I'm the one who's famous here. These spicy peanuts are good.

Jose is a jerk. He tells me I have to lay off the snacks because the camera adds 10 pounds. But he's not the one that ate bologna sandwiches for almost three whole years! He did bring me a really tight shirt, finally, to wear when I leave here. Then he tells me there's only gonna be three journalists around when I get out. Geez, why bother? I got really mad at first, but I felt better when Jose promised the picture of me leaving will be shown everywhere, so that's okay. And I got some new eyeliner, so I know I'll look hot. But I'm still having trouble drawing my eyebrows on right. And I don't think the pants I'm going to wear are tight enough, either.

Looks like Mason wimped out on me staying with him once I'm free. His wife probably felt threatened by me...who does he think he's fooling? He acts all tough, but is probably whipped. Mason and Dorothy have been on TV saying they're worried about my safety when I get out. But Dorothy pissed me off when she was on Joy Behar the other night. She actually wouldn't answer that heffer (I don't think I spelled that right) about letting me babysit! I don't like babysitting, so I wouldn't have done it. But it was like she was trying to make me look bad. Her hair looked pretty good for a change, though. She really had that Brillo pad thing going on during the trial.

Jose says people are still really mad about the verdict. I told him not to use that backlash word again with me (I finally found out what it means - ha!). I told him I was really mad that some of those jurors had talked to the media. Shouldn't I get some of the money they were paid? Jose said one of them was really dumb. The foreman talked to some woman named Greta for free. Asshole. And the other one got a trip to Disney. Ewww...too close to Universal, and we know what a problem Universal is for me. One of them actually hired a publicist to try to get a lot of money to talk, but he won't get any money now. People are only interested in me.

Some guy named Al says I'll get $1 mil if I do an interview with him. Jose says he doesn't know if that's a good idea. He says the guy is going to ask tough questions. I told Jose not to worry. I don't ever have to tell the truth to anyone ever again. Not that I did before. Geez, hasn't he learned anything from me? He's still going to get some money, no matter what I say. And I can say or do anything I want. Somebody will pay me.

Heard mom went to talk to a financial guy the other day. Who gave her money? What has she done? See, I knew she was going to try to cash in on me being famous. So what if she lied for me? That money should be mine. I guess that's how they got that red jeep. Hope it didn't get scratched when that thing happened with them at Home Depot.

But, wow. What a lot of bloodsuckers are out there. That guy from the search company - Tim something - just filed a lawsuit against me. I didn't ask him to search for the little snothead. So what if other families had missing kids? He's trying to say it's my fault that he couldn't help them. He should be suing mom and dad.

Jose also said that the cowboy wants to sue me, too. Take a number! What's his name? Oh, yeah - Padilla. Jose and I had a good laugh about that. He says we both knew the kid was dead and wasted his time.

Yeah, leaving town is probably a good idea for now. No one can ask me questions or get any of the money I'm going to make if I'm not here in Florida. Jose's a great guy - he says it's going to be a surprise for me - where I'm going once I get out. All I need to know is where's the closest Target, and who's got some checks lying around. The money in my account here isn't going to go very far.

Here comes dinner! I ordered the premium chicken breasts for tonight, to celebrate. Yum. After dinner I'm gonna practice drawing my eyebrows on again. Then I'm gonna work on a design for a new tattoo. Bella Vita!

Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony Split

After seven years of marriage, Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez have split.

In a joint statement, the couple said, "We have decided to end our marriage. This was a very difficult decision. We have come to an amicable conclusion on all matters. It is a painful time for all involved and we appreciate the respect of our privacy at this time."

Lopez and Anthony wed in 2004. They are parents to 3-year-old twins, Max and Emme.

Tainted Love

WARNING - Before continuing to read, it might be prudent to take your laptop to the bathroom, and prepare to hurl.

Pictured above are actor Doug Hutchison, 51, with his new bride, Courtney Stodden, 16. Yes - 16. The newlyweds appeared on Good Morning America this morning in a joint interview, to discuss their love and marriage.

Hutchison, who portrayed Horace Goodspeed on "Lost", and the new missus met online, and struck up an email correspondence. Hutchison says he was looking to broaden his career, then discovered that bambina Courtney was hosting acting workshops.

Quicker then locating a copy of  "You've Got Mail", the couple realized they had feelings for each other. Hutchison contacted Courtney's mother, declaring his love. Her parents consented to the wedding (insert banjo intro from "Deliverance" here), despite the fact that Doug is four years older then his new bride's father.

Not everyone is toasting the nuptials. Since the wedding, Hutchison's agent and manager has dropped him, and his mother and brother will have nothing to do with him.

The lovebirds insist their marriage is a love match, not a publicity stunt or a business arrangement, despite the fact they are shopping a reality show.

Leiby Kletzky

"...trials have taught me that for ills so immeasurable, time and silence are the only medicine. I will not, therefore, by useless condolences, open afresh the sluices of your grief, nor, although mingling sincerely my tears with yours, will I say a word more, when words are vain..." - Thomas Jefferson

Get In Line, Leonard ...Padilla Files Lawsuit Against Casey Anthony And Jose Baez

Today, bounty hunter Leonard Padilla announced he will be filing a lawsuit against Casey Anthony and Jose Baez to the tune of $200,000. Padilla wants compensation for money spent searching for Caylee, and expenses incurred for security guards, travel, and private detectives.

Padilla has declared that Casey and Baez knew that Caylee was dead. Padilla also states that he believed Casey when she said Caylee had been kidnapped.

Prosecutor Linda Drane Burdick has also filed a motion against Casey, seeking to recoup the costs of the prosecution, as well as the cost of Casey's investigation by police.

Zenaida Gonzales and Tim Miller have already filed lawsuits against Anthony.

Al Taylor Promises Casey $1 Million For Interview

Al Taylor, an independent producer who has done work for such shows as "A Current Affair", "Hard Copy" and "The Jerry Springer Show" tells Orlando-based WESH reporter Dave McDaniel that he has formed his own company with the express purpose of paying Casey Anthony $1 million dollars for an interview.

Mr. Taylor caused a bit of a contretemps last week, claiming he had been given the go-ahead from an exec at the Springer show to secure Casey and her family's participation in one of the usual lovefests that are the Springer show's specialty. When this news reached Mr. Springer's ears, Jerry promptly shot down the story.

Taylor says, "The first question is going to be 'Did you do it?' It's not going to be a softball interview. We're going to grill her like a bad piece of fish. She's going to earn her $1 million. We're going to find out exactly what happened."

Sure you will, Al. You'll find out what really happened to Caylee about as quickly as the quarter I planted in the back yard sprouts $100 bills.

Taylor piously states that the interview will benefit Florida residents. "I don't feel bad about giving Casey Anthony and her attorney $1 million, because most of the money will end up back in the state of Florida anyway, because she has to pay that fine for lying to the cops and payback for the investigation."

Al says he's unable to reveal the identities of those backing the interview offer. "Everybody wants to hear from Casey. There's this whole sanctimonious thing that 'Oh, we can't pay a murderer money.' You know, she was found not guilty. Don't forget that. Because if she was found guilty, she couldn't do the interview."

Reporter McDaniel exchanged text messages with Jose Baez last night. Baez said he hadn't heard of Taylor, nor had he spoken with him. Taylor claims to have made Baez the offer after speaking to McDaniel Wednesday night.

Taylor further says he has another check ready for jurors who may want to join the interview.

WTF Update - Juror 3 - Jennifer Ford - Jenny Yaps Again

Flush from her payout trek to Disney for her first interview, Juror 3, Jennifer Ford, is at it again. Despite the apoplectic reaction to the Casey Anthony verdict, our girl Jenny craved another closeup, and CNN's Gary Tuchman gave it to her. One can only hope the interview didn't involve Jenny collecting any further perks - or currency. Just as a dog isn't rewarded for tinkling on the carpet, interviewers shouldn't reward inane chatter with a payout, in any form.    

To secure the second interview with Ford, Tuchman told CNN's Anderson Cooper that Jenny agreed to speak again because Tuchman assured her that he was "trying to paint a human portrait" of what jurors have gone through in returning to their lives after to the trial.

Perched on a pier, Mensa reject Jenny sports plenty of attitude and a faint sneer throughout most of Tuchman's questioning. Though she claims the fallout from the verdict has been "very stressful", Jenny is one tough babe. "I'm kind of a scrappy girl. So I'm not going to back away from anything and run scared and crying, that's for sure."  

Snickering slightly, Jenny refers to the media clamoring outside her door and the angry public as "the welcoming committee" that greeted her upon her return to Pinellas County. She would have us know that the hate mail she's received is never read beyond the first sentence, before it's tossed in the trash. She's also seen similar commentary on Facebook, and has brilliantly deduced that it's "probably from the same person." 

Earth to Jenny: it's more then one person. Put away the souvenier mouse ears and consider a summer course in remedial math.

Though a few synapses are clearly not firing in her brain, Jenny feels the unwashed masses can't grasp what really went on. Ingest this deep commentary: "It makes me feel like, I don't know. I feel like people are missing something...To me, I think it would be a good thing to know that people are trying to do what they're supposed to do and uphold the letter of the law and not be emotional. But apparently that's not something that is rewarded by the public sometimes...a lot of people have been supportive. And even if they didn't agree with our verdict they're like...still respectful.  I think it might be a small population who's loud and angry and unkind...I guess it comes with the territory."

Another salient point you might want to consider, Jen - upholding the letter of the law could be plausibly argued, had you not reached that verdict in under 12 hours, jumped on the publicity train with the ABC interview, then dashed off to the ABC-funded trip to Disney World.

Jenny discloses that the initial vote for aggravated manslaughter against Casey was split 6-6 among the jurors, with Jenny herself voting for manslaughter.  When Tuchman asked what persuaded her to switch her vote to not guilty, Jenny profoundly pontificated, "I think everyone will tell you the same thing. It's just a lack of hard evidence. It's just like I said - the duct tape and the chloroform and things like that - you could - if you took a hard...look at it...there was a lot of doubt surrounding all those certain things. So there's not enough to make anything stick."

Hopefully Jenny was not attempting witticism with that last sentence.

Jenny again echoed her remarks from her ABC interview, "Like, it's obviously it's not been proven that she's innocent, but it certainly hasn't been proven that she's guilty." (Please note - I don't need a visit from the Spell-Check Fairy - these are Ms Intelligentsia's exact words).

Translated - Casey's failure to report Caylee missing and Casey's 31 days of whoring it up wasn't a sufficient red flag for the jurors to perhaps ascertain motive. 

According to Jenny, the jurors didn't buy Jose Baez's deplorable accusations of George Anthony molesting his daughter. Nor did they feel that Bozo and the defense team presented any hard evidence of Caylee drowning accidently in the family pool.

Let us all rejoice that Jose's flip charts with the pretty colors weren't taken into consideration by the jurors. Had they done so, they would have probably returned their not guilty verdict within 15 minutes. 

So, how DID Jenny and gang render the Turbo Verdict? Tuchman queried, "So a casual viewer of this trial might say how come you didn't find her guilty of murder?"

"Because it has nothing to do with what the defense presents," Jennifer said. "It's on the prosecution to prove what - they brought charges. They have to prove with their evidence that those charges are - they can validate bringing those charges and that the crime was committed." 

Jennifer, please forgive the dolts among us who feel that Caylee's skull wrapped in duct tape is powerful evidence that a crime was committed. How frivolous of the prosecution to willy-nilly charge Casey with a crime, despite the fact that Casey was the last person seen with Caylee, then making the audacious leap of assuming that Casey may have had a hand in her daughter's demise.  

No, Jenny's not done educating us on her special brand of logic and reasoning used in her contribution to the verdict. While the prosecution, "...had good strong circumstantial evidence, but at the end of the day, it was circumstantial...there was not just one strong piece of evidence that said something definitively. Every piece of evidence could have kind of said this way or that way, I mean, there were many different ways you could have gone with each piece of evidence."

Except for rendering justice.

How The Sunday Ads Ruined My Summer

Smoke from the grill and 4th of July fireworks had barely cleared, when my summertime bliss was callously brought to a screeching halt. The destroyer of my Zen calm? The cursed back-to-school ads dropping ominously out of the Sunday paper.

As they fanned across the floor, my stomach clutched. Gone was my anticipatory delight of a drive to Michael's to check out the obscenely early emergence of Halloween and Christmas decorations. My joy at the thought of leisurely observation of glitter-encrusted plastic skeletons and ready-to-paint ornaments had been snuffed.

In the Dark Ages when I attended school, all that was required of my parents was to provide a bookbag, appropriately stocked with one pencil, one composition book, and a lunchbox. The bulk of my mother's time, when shopping for back-to-school items, was given over to us choosing a great metal lunchbox. The pleasure of possessing a Monkees lunchbox lingers to this day. How I wished I'd saved it! The money it would fetch on eBay today...

As I grew older, my parents might have to keep a package of loosleaf paper and a ruler in the house. And it wasn't until high school that the we experienced the almost-grown-up rush of a binder and colored divider tabs.

Now, my daughter staggers off to her first day of school each year with a backpack that makes her look like Quasimodo. Pens, pencils, crayons, colored pencils, ruler, composition books, looseleaf paper, spiral notebooks, binders, dividers, scissors, glue sticks - all are loaded. Any motherly concern over my daughter's impending back damage is overridden by the pressure of her also having to deliver hand soap, hand sanitizer, tissues, and paper towels to her teachers. These are not in the backpack, of course. These required items are pressed into her already quivering hands - the weight properly distributed - to give her balance, and enable her to stand upright.

By the third day of school, the first round of supplies are successfully delivered. But I am a fool. Every year, just as I am rosily contemplating the sight of my daughter walking uninjured and upright, and weak with relief that I will be able to pay the electric bill on time, the teachers send home yet another list. Not content with my paltry offering of six rolls of paper towels, ten boxes of tissues, and three bottles each of hand soap and hand sanitizer, I am informed that several more of each are to be provided within two days.

Inevitably, I am also remiss in calculating the correct number of three-prong, two-pocket folders needed, despite the obscene number already purchased. One of her teachers is fine with wide-rule looseleaf, two others want college-rule. Though blessed with a stash of binders, donated by a friend after they cleaned out their office, I invariably learn that the binders are either the wrong width or the wrong color.

At this point, the trick is to actually find all the remaining required school supplies. Yes, the Sunday back-to-school ads are still prolific and promise bounty, the prices are still not heart-stopping. But I would rather swelter alongside Zahi Hawass on his quest to unearth another tomb in Egypt then to attempt to procure an additional six composition books.

So, while Zahi is having fun in the sun, I will be sweating alongside a group of agitated parents in Wal-Mart, all muttering to ourselves as we wipe our damp brows. If we are lucky enough to excavate a full bin of composition books, Zahi will lift his head as he digs, wondering if he's really hearing the faint sounds of jubilation in the hot breeze.

Hookers! Drugs! Winning! Come Back, Charlie Sheen

Ah, the pastoral days of late winter and early spring 2011. Life was simpler then. In those gentler times, turning on the TV brought only wall-to-wall coverage of Charlie Sheen imploding.

Remember the goddesses? No? That's okay - Charlie's harem of porn harlots all looked alike, so a memory lapse can be forgiven. Blond hair, big boobs, intellectual impairment. Yes - the goddesses.

Charlie did leave the public with a parting gift as he crashed and burned. His drug-fueled rants sparked a new catchphrase - "Winning!"

How fickle the glow of the limelight. Charlie hasn't been seen or heard in months. But now it's time for Charlie to seriously strategize the reclamation of his post as King Of Notorious Pond Scum.

But is it too late for Charlie to reclaim the throne? Face it, our boy's going to have a rough time - the Scum has really grown in the Pond of Notoriety in the last week. Sure, partying with porn "stars", ingesting drugs, and abusive behavior toward ex-wives is impressively deporable, and Charlie, without question, is a master in those departments.

Lindsay Lohan was a serious contender, at one point this spring, to supplant Charlie. And, while La Lohan's penchant for pilfering and the bottle have given her serious Pond Scum cred, she will never reign as Queen. She's merely drifting on the surface of the Pond, awaiting her next arrest.

Charlie can easily eliminate some of his competition in the Scum floating in the Pond. His best strategy would be to appoint new Pond Scum resident Jose Baez a spot as his court jester. Charlie would probably consider that appointment a no-brainer.

Big Daddy Cheney Mason could be gainfully employed by Charlie as his personal Pond Scum assistant. That way Charlie need never be bothered with flipping the bird again. He knows Mason's got the gesture down cold, freeing Charlie to pursue his vices.

Charlie will definitely want Cindy Anthony in his court. Who better to lie to the law when they come around to check on Charlie's latest party? Heck, she won't be charged with perjury. Definitely a keeper.

If Charlie upends Dorothy Clay Sims, he can use her hair to mop up the 12 jurors and the 5 alternate Scum from the surface of the Pond, then toss them all handily to the shore. While Charlie might love depravity, he surely realizes there's no room for idiots in the Pond.

That settled, Charlie will now have to face his most formidable opposition in reclaiming his title: Casey Anthony. He's got to know it's going to be tough. While Charlie was distracted by his vices, Casey clambered to the throne. Reviled by the public, who view her as the undisputed Queen of Notorious Pond Scum, she's going to be hell to unseat.

Can Charlie consult the Annals of Bad Behavior, trump his previous deeds, and rid the Notorious Pond of Scum of an aquitted child killer? The media won't even look at him now, when, in the past, their fealty was assured.

Right now, his chances aren't good. Yet, if given a choice, I'm rooting for Charlie.

Summer Reading List: The Best Whodunits - Blood and Money

A gloriously greedy cocktail of money, power, and murder, Blood and Money remains one of the best true-crime books ever written.

Beautiful socialite Joan Robinson Hill, an accomplished horsewoman, died in 1969 after falling violently ill. Medical examiners scratched their heads, as they struggled to pinpoint what could have killed the young, vibrant Joan.

Houston oilman Ash Robinson had no such doubts. In his mind, it wasn't a question of what killed his cherished only child, it was a matter of WHO. Pointing out to all who would listen (and law enforcement wasn't especially interested) that Joan's plastic surgeon hubby, John, had recently taken a tempestuous mistress, Ash vows revenge. Throwing down the gauntlet, Ash announces that if the law doesn't bring John to justice, then he will.

Thomas Thompson produced a gripping page-turner of the mayhem that follows Ash's determination to deliver Texas justice to his philandering son-in-law. Blood and Money is a must-read, and lingers long in the mind after the last page is turned.

If Casey Kept A Journal

Gosh, the 17th is almost here and I've got SO much to do! It's a bite having to sit here a few days longer, but Fatso in the black robe really had it out for me. Ha, ha - he had to give me credit for time served. But that lavender sweater I was wearing for sentencing wasn't tight enough anyway. And I'm still working on getting my eyebrows right. Stupid eyebrow pencil. Jose keeps telling me I'm a hot commodity - I gotta look up the meaning of that word. If that's a good thing, then he should be able to get a stylist in here. He says I'm hot - DUH- but I really have to look good for the media when I walk out the door.

Haven't decided yet if I should leave my hair long or not. Thank God they show Jersey Shore on TV here. I really like what that girl Snooki does with her hair. My hair looks better then hers when I do it that way, and I am DEFINITELY hotter then she is. Jose says I'll probably get to meet her, but that I can't drink as much as she does, or it'll look bad. And he just HAD to bring up those old pictures of me dressed in the flag again. Usually he yells about that one of me peeing in the street.

But, wow - drinking. I can't wait. I really gave Jose hell when they all went over to that restaurant to celebrate after I was found not guilty. HELLO??? I mean, I'm hot and they're only famous because of ME. They should've waited till I was out, and we could all party together. Well, maybe not - they're kinda old, and though it was fun being patted by Dorothy during the trial, she really looked stupid jumping up and down like that. Mason was kinda cool, though, giving everyone the finger. But Jose says I can't do that, either. Sometimes he makes me so mad. He says there's no need to do it...something about people feeling like the jurors already flipped off the justice system by finding me not guilty. Sometimes he can be pretty deep.

He also says not to worry about silly things like backlash - whatever that is. Oh, shit, I almost forgot. Someone has to find me a tighter shirt to wear when I leave here. Jose's NOT going to say I can't wear one, because I have great boobs. I'm hot, and time to show the girls off! I still don't understand why they made me wear those crappy, loose outfits in court. They all kept telling me I had to present a good image or something like that. Whatever.

When Jose came to visit the other night, he was kinda bummed out. I mean, he still told me I was hot, but he was a little sad. Something about an agency in New York ... he said they signed him up for a deal, then dropped him a few hours later. He used that backlash word again - maybe I should find out what that means, since he won't shut up about it.

But he kept talking about himself and I got really mad at him. I mean, I really tried to make him feel better. I told him the jurors really liked his flip charts and the bright colors on them. The jurors didn't even pay any attention to the rest of that crap the prosecutors called evidence, did they? And, really, what do I care about HIS lost opportunities? Hey, I know what that word means, and I even spelled it right! I really got mad at him when he tried to say we probably wouldn't make as much money as he first thought. I mean, he'd just told me I was hot, then he tried to bum me out!

I really had to set Jose straight and let him know that he wasn't going to waste my time talking about his problems. It's not like he was the one that spent time in jail - HELLO! But I cheered him up by reminding him we could still get lots of money from selling pictures of Caylee to the media. Where are those pictures, anyway? Mom sure took enough of them. I look hot in all my pictures. But Jose tried to piss me off by saying the media will pay more right now for pictures of Caylee. As if. I mean, I only think about Caylee when people tell me I HAVE to, or when they tell me to try to look sad that Caylee died, or something. Sometimes he's so stupid. I mean, he actually seems to forget that people are only interested in ME.

Jose did say it may be a little awkward (I know what that word means, too!) getting Mom and Dad to give me some pictures of the kid. He'll just have to handle that. I mean, Dad should be over Jose saying he molested me by now, don't you think? But I really have to remind Jose to be sure to grab some of the pictures where I look really hot.

And my Mom better not be thinking she's going to write a book, or something, about all of this. I can't believe Jose keeps telling me I should be grateful to my mom for committing perjury on the stand for me. Who does he think he is always using these big words around me? Why can't he just say "lie"? God, lawyers can be such a bore. And I'm still mad at Mom for dressing up every day in court. It's not as if anyone would look at her old ass anyway. I'm the one who's hot.

Jose is still trying to figure out where I'm going to stay once I get outta here. He said Mason gave an interview saying maybe I could stay at his house a few days. But Jose told me it would be bad manners to ask Mason where he keeps his checkbook. I mean, why would Mason even CARE if I used a few of his checks? I haven't been to Target in three whole years! Amy was such a bitch for filing those check fraud charges against me. How else was I supposed to get bras and beer? Tony thought I was really hot in those bras, too.

Well, it's almost time for lights out here and I'm getting sleepy. Jose said he'd be here to visit tomorrow. You know, I haven't asked him lately if he's still married or not. I know I'm hotter then his wife. If that broad is still around, I'm gonna be really mad. I mean, she has got to GO. Oh, that reminds me - when I get out, I need to get to a computer and look up a few new words. Nite nite.

From The Annals Of Stupidity: Man Hits Woman In Fight Over Casey Anthony Verdict

Robert Hakimoglu, 42, was arrested in Melbourne Beach, Florida on Saturday evening. A woman accused Mr. Hakimoglu of striking her in the face as they argued over the verdict in the Casey Anthony trial.

The argument occurred after Mr. Hakimoglu said he agreed with the jury's decision, then followed up that inflammatory comment with with the remarks that he would like to meet Anthony and "maybe have kids with her."

After expressing his desire to procreate with Anthony and allegedly striking the woman, Hakimoglu further demonstrated his intellect by jumping off a pier into the Indian River, to elude police.

Hakimoglu was later arrested at his home. He was charged with resisting arrest, battery, and an alcohol ordinance violation.

Beckhams Name New Daughter Harper Seven

David and Victoria Beckham announced the name of their new daughter, who was born yesterday morning. The little tyke's moniker is - drumroll - Harper Seven.

Little Harper Seven is the first daughter for the Beckhams, who also have three sons - Brooklyn, Cruz, and Romeo.

A Sociopath In The Family

The system worked. The system didn't work. The jurors were boneheads. The jurors were doing their jobs. The prosecution team was brilliant. The jurors were turned off by Jeff Ashton's laughter at Baez's closing arguments. Jose Baez is a Bozo. Jose Baez is the man of the moment, hailed as "Juani Cochran" by those making comparisons to the O.J. trial. Nancy Grace was responsible for the "Not Guilty" verdict because of her extensive coverage of Caylee Anthony. Nancy Grace is a saint for championing missing children. Did George Anthony molest Casey Anthony? Is Cindy Anthony writing a book? Lee Anthony is just plain weird. Is Casey going to get rich after she's released from jail? Let's pass Caylee's law. No, let's not pass Caylee's Law. God will ultimately judge Casey. God would have never allowed Caylee to die. Casey Anthony will be a pariah when she's released. Hell, no, she's hot! Casey was an amazing mother. What mother would not report her daughter's disappearance?

Pick your opinion from the list above, or add your own - have I missed one? About the only thing everyone agrees on is that Casey is a liar. Even the simpletons who acquitted Casey couldn't overlook her lies.

With Casey Anthony, lying was elevated to an art form. The length, breadth, depth, and detail of her lying was mind-boggling. Heck, she lied when no lie was necessary. But why?

Because Casey Anthony is a narcissistic sociopath. A sociopath, according to the dictionary definition, is "a person, as a psychopathic personality, whose behavior is antisocial, and who lacks a sense of moral responsibility or social conscience." No need to define narcissistic - anyone who watched the trial and observed Casey's incessent preening saw narcissism in action.

Living with the aftermath of the damage a sociopath can wreak is akin to a sentence of life without parole. Whether you like or dislike the words and actions of George, Cindy, and Lee Anthony, their lives have been destroyed by the lies sociopathic daughter and sister.

Were they enablers? Were they dysfunctional? Yes, of course they were. But my theory is that the family dynamic was not always so appalling. At one point, the Anthonys, more then likely, WERE a fairly normal family.

Understand, I am not making excuses for the Anthonys. It's obvious that staring down a cobra would be a more attractive option then scrapping with Cindy Anthony - one has only to look at Cindy in her deposition tapes. Certainly Cindy loves the limelight as much as her daughter, and Cindy also has issues with telling the truth.

But a sociopath in the family is like the slow spread of a deadly cancer. Casey the sociopath was the cancer in the Anthony family. Over the years, the Anthonys were debilitated by dealing with Casey's lies.

Casey sentenced her family to a life without parole when she killed Caylee. Her rage toward her family increased when they demanded of her the one thing that a sociopath feels they never have to do - account for their actions. When her mother demanded truth and accountabilty from Casey for Casey's stealing, she retailated by taking away the one thing her family cherished - Caylee.

Clearly Casey dismissed any thought of Caylee the moment she tossed Caylee's body in the woods. Casey's arrogance and narcissism allowed her to think she would be able to handily manage the requisite web of lies necessary to explain Caylee away.

Jose Baez was the mouthpiece in the courtroom when Casey fired off her biggest round of lies yet. Not content with the damage she had done to her family in killing Caylee, she "killed" her family with accusations of sexual abuse.

Cindy (until she perjured herself on the stand), the law enforcement officers, and the legal system tried to hold Casey accountable for her lies. Unfortunately, sociopaths can be charming. The jurors were charmed by Casey Anthony's lies, as Jose Baez repeated them.

So, Casey was rewarded by the jurors with a get-out-of-jail card. Justice, as many felt it should be meted out, didn't happen when Casey was found not guilty.

Yes, sadly, there may be media outlets that will want to pay Casey for an exclusive interview. There will be questionable characters and unsavory hangers-on that will bask in the tawdry glow of Casey's temporary fame and fortune. Because, in time, Casey Anthony will not have the fame and fortune she no doubt feels she deserves.

Casey remains a sociopath, and, therefore, a ticking time bomb. Her true justice may only come when the spotlight fades and she is left alone with only her lies to protect her from a world that considers her a pariah.