As I have written here before, I lost my oldest friend to brain cancer in April of 2010. Janet was only 56...we had been friends for 48 years.
On Friday, I opened the window in the office, to take advantage of the day's warmer temperatures, and settled in to work. In the midst of making my calls, the phone rang. It was Janet's husband, John.
I was only 14 when Janet first met him. I liked John from the moment she first told me about him. He was dashingly handsome, played the guitar magically, and was determined to court Janet for as long as it took for her to agree to marry him. And court her he did - he drove from New Jersey to Maryland every weekend, for four years, just to see her.
When Janet died, they had been together for 40 years - 36 of them as husband and wife. She died on John's birthday, at home, with John, their three children, and her little granddaughter at her side.
In the months after Janet's death, John and I spoke occasionally by phone - stilted conversations, as both of us tried to come to terms with our grief. Then, there was a long period where we didn't talk at all. I was afraid to call him - what comfort could we take in conversation when he was coming to terms with losing the love of his life, and my own grief at losing Janet was so enormous?
On this day, we both had the words. For two hours, we spoke of life with Janet and life without Janet. We laughed as we recalled her sense of humor, we caught up on each other's lives. We laughed wryly at getting older, we shared stories of our children.
For the first time since Janet died, I could think of the entirety of her beautiful spirit and the life she lived - not haunted, as I had been, of her agony and suffering the final six months of her life.
Her husband gave me a tremendous gift on Friday - the gift of finally unlocking the joyous memories of Janet. Yet I will forever miss her laughter. There are many days where I still reach instinctively for the phone to call her, before remembering again that she isn't here to talk to.
Janet worried about John finding his way to a new life once she was gone. But he has. No, it's not the life he wanted, but he's okay. The determined young man who courted her many years ago is now 61, and about to become a grandfather for a second time. He's looking forward to meeting his new granddaughter when she arrives. And, while Janet won't be at his side, he will always love her.
Dear Janet, though it will never be the same without you - yes, life goes on...
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