The Dating Game

Let me begin by saying that I have been divorced for many years, and am - happily - single. I only find myself wishing for a husband when it's time to mow the lawn in the stifling July heat, when the car acts up, or when I'm too tired to haul the trashcans to the curb. Once those matters are handled, the thoughts of a spouse exit my head.

True, when my daughter first entered school, she fretted that the kids in her class didn't understand why she didn't have a father. I can still remember her fuming, "They all keep saying you must have that divorce thing and that I have to have a daddy somewhere."

We worked it out. Her little peers understood that I wasn't married when I adopted her, and if pressed, she explained that she had birth parents, whom she didn't know, in China.

Occasionally I have entertained the idea of dating - once my daughter graduates from high school. Right now, I'm just too darn tired at the end of every day. I am perfectly serious when I say that if Pierce Brosnan (Google him if you're too young to know who he is!) showed up at my front door on a Friday evening and announced he wanted to rock my world, I would thank him - and send him packing.

But somewhere, somehow, the internet has decided I should be dating. I have been getting unsolicited emails for "Senior People Meet", along with a pop-up to the right of my one email account that advises me that I can search for eligible single men in my area right now. I have not availed myself of either of these opportunities.

A thought that gives me pause - The internet has let me know that I am now considered a "Senior." Well, yes, age is just a number and whatnot, but I have yet to think of myself in the "Senior" category. And how did the internet figure out my age, anyway? Isn't fifty-five supposed to be the new forty? Hell, in my head, I still feel like I'm 25, though, thankfully, I possess more wisdom then I did at that age.

And where would one go to meet men anyway, were I to seriously think about dating? Bingo? A bar? My partying days are over - now a glass of wine or an occasional beer is a guarantee I'll be asleep on the sofa in no time.

I have a number of women friends in my age group. Most are married. The few that are single, and would like a significant other, are having a hard time meeting a nice guy. Here's what I've observed - most of the men in my age group want a woman half my age. You know the type - divorced, grown children, the careful comb-over, the expensive car. Trust - there's a lot of them out there.

Then there's the opposite end of the spectrum - the ones that DO want women in our age group. They tend to be, um, elderly, and will probably be dead in ten years, bless their hearts. I mean, I have a 13 year old daughter. Were I to take on an older gentleman, I get these nightmare visions of a few years down the road - zipping darling daughter into her prom gown, waving her out the door, then turning around to change the Old Dear's diaper.

My only other option is to become a Cougar (what a loathsome term!). It could work - I was a Cougar back when I was about 30...skinny, pre-child, and before the phrase had been coined. But that would raise another issue. How young a honey would I want? Not too young - it would be like raising two children instead of one. Not too close to my age, because he could run off and leave me for some fresh young thing in her twenties.

Hmmm...

No, I think I'll stay just as I am and continue to dump the daily "Senior People Meet" email into the spam folder. Nor will I click on the profiles of the eligible men in my area. But, once my daughter graduates from high school, I may rethink that whole Cougar thing!