Darling Daughter has spent three nights away from me in the last week. Off with her best friend, she's had a grand old time. I'm glad she has...she's off doing all of the fun things she should be doing at her age. As for me, well, I got a somewhat unwelcome glimpse of the future.
I came late to the Motherhood Game - I was 43 when I adopted DD. Life hadn't worked out quite as I'd planned with the baby thing - I was retro enough to hope, when I was younger, that I'd meet my Mr. Right, settle down, and we'd raise several children together.
However, Mr. Right never came along, and a non-cancerous tumor left me unable to bear children. Yet life has a way of working out just as it's supposed to, and I have been blessed with the child I was meant to have.
I have cherished every moment of the twelve-plus years my daughter and I have had together. I remember holding her, when she was an infant, and relishing the thought of the many years ahead. As for her growing up, and leaving home? Pfft - I had lots of time.
Yet, with the three nights DD has been away, I realized, with an unpleasant shock, that it won't be too many more years before DD is off to college and out on her own. I don't know why, this time, this particular short jaunt away from me has bothered me so much. After all, she spends several weeks up North with my parents every summer.
Perhaps it's because the time with her has flown so quickly. Perhaps it's the realization that she's growing into the lovely young woman I'd prayed she would be. Perhaps it has also left me wondering how the heck I'm going to reshape my life as she goes out into the world to live hers.
She'll be back home tonight. She'll know I missed her, but probably won't understand why I hug her so tightly. She'll be happy to see me, and will quickly settle back into her normal daily routine.
And, as I hug her, I will wish for the impossible - to somehow freeze time, all the while knowing that time is passing much too quickly.
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